Special abilities: LochSex: Pick a teammate to have sex with (not literally). Both of you are excused from the game for 2 turns. When you re-enter, you both have +5 to all stats for 5 turns. Use this only twice per game.
I'm a Motherfkin' Monster: Sing a verse from Kanye West's song "Monster." If you repeat a verse, or forget one, this attack deals 4 damage to you and does nothing. If you succeed, all enemy units become scared and for each of your enemies next turn's, they have 1 less action point.
Passive Abilities: Deep Blue Defense: Lochsexmonster cannot be damaged by anything unless the enemy player says "Sexy sexy" as they're attacking you. If they forget, they lose 3 Hp and you gain +1 to all stats for 2 turns.